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Posts Tagged ‘Economics’

I was going to use this space to discuss the lack of intellectual honesty in Republicans’ claims yesterday that Democrats/Nancy Pelosi/Barack Obama are to blame for the fact that John “The Conquering Economic Hero” McCain and John “I’m a Huge Boner” Boehner couldn’t wrangle up the GOP votes they had prematurely given McCain credit for wrangling up for yesterday’s failed $700 billion economic bailout package. (Let me see if I have this right: It was a good bill, worth voting for, that you planned to vote for, but Pelosi pissed you off with a “partisan speech” in which she — perhaps indelicately but justifiably, nonetheless — railed against Bush/GOP economic policies as the cause of our troubles, and you get all blustery and decide not to vote for an otherwise good bill. And then you turn around and blame the people who actually did vote for it. How small. How petty. How fucking stupid.)

I was also going to use this space to investigate the ongoing saga that is Sarah “Dinosaurs and Man Coexisted” Palin and her attempts to sound at least as informed as a 9th-grader on matters of national and international import. How bad is it when you’re blaming “gotcha journalism” when the media publish something you said in public to a voter? Seriously? Karl only wishes he were that cynical.

Yes, I was going to use this space to talk about all that. Instead, I’ll talk about an item that came across my desk this morning. Seems the mayor of Fort Mill, S.C., was “just curious” when he forwarded an e-mail (from a business account, not a city account) that suggests Barack Obama is the antichrist. Mayor Danny “Ass for Brains” Funderburk, intrepid investigator that he is, was merely “trying to get documentation if there was any scripture to back it up.”

I’m about to send the following e-mail to hizzoner Funderburk:

FWD: How to do biblical research by looking shit up in your bible as opposed to sending already-discredited bullshit to 50 of your most bass-ackwards idiot friends and family

This isn’t the first time South Carolina has made news recently thanks to one of these “who, me?” ignoramuses. Check out this jaw-dropper from the good-hearted Christians in Greenville. (But let’s just keep in mind that decent people — of which there are plenty in the Palmetto State — don’t make the news for acting decent.)

Ol’ Karl will be the first to admit this is all entertaining as hell. Sad, but entertaining. Distressing and deeply troubling, yes. But entertaining.

A dire forecast for the future of America, the world and humanity as we know it, absolutely.

But still entertaining — right?

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So, how do you recover from saying that the fundamentals of our economy are still strong on the same day that the one of the country’s largest investment banks collapses and the stock market drops over 500 points? Well attack the opposition for pointing out your blunder, of course!

“The McCain-Palin campaign responded that Obama had both ‘inflated his own resume’ and disparaged American workers [by arguing with McCain that the fundamentals of the economy are not currently strong] with his attacks on McCain, who had revised his earlier claim that the fundamental of the economy are strong to state that, in fact, it is American workers who are strong. ‘Barack Obama offered nothing new except for sharp criticisms of the most fundamental elements of the American economy and pessimism about genuine efforts to restore our country’s prosperity,’ McCain-Palin spokesman Tucker Bounds said.” Full article here

Shocking, isn't it?

Shocking, isn't it?

So, a point of clarification: the fundamentals of our economy are you guys! Gee, what a swell guy… thinkin’ so much of us… except you 6.1% who can’t seem to find work for some reason. F you guys… Stop bilking the government for those fat unemployment checks, and stop calling McCain out for being an economic dummy.

On Tuesday, McCain even came out and called for a commission, much like the 9/11 commission, to investigate what in tarnation is going on! Well let me help McCain out with that… Phil Gramm, the man who called the fundamentals of our economy a “nation of whiners” and currently co-chairs McCain’s campaign (and has served as his economic advisor), helped push through the Commodity Futures Modernization Act while he was a US senator. This act, which was attached to an omnibus spending bill (that was virtually bulletproof due to the fact that it HAD to pass), allowed for unregulated credit default swaps. These swaps are purchased by financial institutions to protect their high-risk investments… However, since Gramm’s legislation kept these swaps unregulated, no one was able to ensure that the reserves existed to cover potential losses… Smart. Go Gramm. With that in mind, how do you feel about Gramm directing McCain’s economic policy?

So, to recap… the word “fundamentals” is synonymous with “American workers,” the name “Tucker” is fast becoming a name for ass-hats, Phil Gramm thinks you’re a pussy, and one of the people running to be the leader of this country needs a commission to tell him and his advisors (like Phil Gramm) what’s wrong with our economy.

Someone get the McCain campaign a mirror…

…Or perhaps a few textbooks you might have sitting around.

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